Week 1: Avoiding labels

Day One

For a week I'm gonna try to make a sincere effort not to label my actions as 'good' and 'bad', and really be aware of when I do fall victim to this habit.

First thing I am immediately aware of is I do this a lot. I am self critical to the point where it happens so often I have just accepted it as the norm. In my mind the boundary between acceptable behaviour and unacceptable behaviour is narrow.

Your brain is a creative tool.When you are already predisposed to negative thought patterns the mind's ability to innovate is completely abused.

Day Two

The focus of this week is to try and be neutral essentially, in terms of how I view myself and my actions.

Being neutral is when you allow something to just be. Organically, authentically. Sounds similar to love or compassion.

There isn't the need for labels, whether they are good or bad.

The types of negative thoughts I have are quite repetitive.

My critical thinking in general is a lot better.

Day Three

Not much has happened today.

I've noticed that when I attach labels to my thoughts and actions, It's very specific, overly specific.

You can't go about your daily life trying to account for every minute detail because there's no limit to the amount of detail you can break life down into.

We live in the overarching, in generalisations, and sweeping assumptions, even if we're not consciously aware of it. Overthinking is getting caught up in unnecessary levels of detail.

I've noticed I'm using my time better: everything isn't so high stakes

Day Four

It's important that even when it feels like you aren't making progress, to still have the intention to continue.

A lot of labelling is due to not being present, projecting into the future or dwelling on the past, 

It rarely involves confronting the actual, present reality of a situation. 

This is the point where I started to struggle.

Day Five

Christmas Eve was probably the most unproductive day of the week. 

I realised that self contempt is actually contempt for others disguised (and vice versa?).

If you don't put yourself in a position to judge other people, you can't do it to yourself. 

I also realised that life doesn't come with labels, we add them on. Life is impartial, it comes without criticism.

Day Six

Christmas day

When you act from intention, you don't have to judge what you do.. unless you have bad intentions.

Day Seven 

In giving away control, you've got it 

                                                       -Alan Watts

Worrying about things is indirectly trying to control them, trying to influence outside events with your internal dialogue. When you let go of the need to control you gain control.

Conclusion

This is something I can't completely stop doing. However, it's important to notice when it's being done unnecessarily, try to act with good intentions, and remember I have no business judging anyone really, including myself.

Next week, "Leaning on intuition"

Intro

It's the last month of 2019, Christmas is five days away. It is absolutely pouring with rain.
I've been stuck in a rut of anxiety and intrusive thoughts for a couple of weeks now.


My usual coping mechanisms aren't working, or at least not fast enough: writing in my journal, making music, self-help blogs, meditation. I'm not even motivated enough to make out time to meditate (shout out to the headspace app).


Maybe my problem is that I'm too impatient; if I'm putting effort into something I want to be able to catalogue tangible results quickly. Perhaps there's nothing I can do and I'll just have to wait until I feel better.


A lot of what I get anxious about is things I feel like ought to have done. Opportunities I ought to have taken; I want to be someone whose hands are open and ready for any opportunity the universe throws their way.


I think there is a part of me that would like to be successful and achieve, but also a very big part of me that subconsciously self sabotages and allows things to stagnate because it's safer to not try at all than to try and mess it up.


I call my anxiety 'Time Anxiety'. I tell myself "you don't know when you'll even get this opportunity again and you just wasted it" or "three months have gone by and you have nothing to show for it".There must be a middle ground between appreciating your time, but also being self-compassionate, realistic, and reasonable.


Now we've come to the purpose of this blog. I am consciously deciding to side with the part of me that wants success and knows I deserve it, the part of me that is willing to put in the work needed to be happier.


Ever since I discovered mindfulness, I've come to appreciate how malleable the human mind it is. And how the way our brain functions on a daily basis is so dependent on thought patterns being validated, reinforced, and reproduced.


I have come to appreciate that you can in fact train the mind to learn a new pattern, and replace bad habits with good ones; you're not completely helpless to what your mind does and you can consciously decide how you would like to shape your mental landscape.


Most importantly, I have learned that being aware of how your mind operates, noticing your thought patterns, creating distance between mind and that which is aware of mind, is power. I don't believe in 'fake it till you make it', I don't believe in suppressing thoughts and emotions.


I will be challenging myself to mentally 'set a pattern' for a week, every week for at least the next year and document the results. I will talk about whether or not it was successful, challenges I faced, and what I have learned from the practice.


So welcome to my journey.