Intro
The stress of being stuck up indoors and having to work from home is really getting to me. But I'm making good use of the extra time, learning new things, exercising etc.After a particularly messy outburst, I had to take out some time for self reflection.
I realised that it actually had nothing to do with the person on the receiving end, and everything to do with beliefs I had about myself and how I am viewed by other people.
Cognitive Behavioral Theory is something I've known about for a little while; I first learned about it when I was attending talking therapy last summer.
Your thoughts, feelings and actions work together and influence each other; they are in turn underpinned by your core beliefs which are shaped by your childhood experiences amongst other things.
So for a week I'm gonna challenge myself to mirror any irrational/non-serving beliefs, with more useful ones.
Day One
I'm realising this isn't a simple matter of plastering over negative thoughts and beliefs with positive ones; this isn't something that resonates with me.
It's important that these new beliefs align with my reality.
You're dumb, and you can't be trusted. Sometimes I have thoughts like this... ☹
Instead of replacing them with something super general and kinda shallow such as "You're smart, and you can be trusted",
I chose something more nuanced, that doesn't completely dismiss the negative, and is more grounded in my own reality
You work very hard, you are intelligent, you may have an unorthodox way of doing things but you're responsible, and reliable.
So I'm realising that self awareness is very important in all of this
Day Two
I've found that since I've started this "experiment", it's actually become easier to lean into and depend upon these new found beliefs.Following on from Day One, I realised that having an unorthodox way of doing things, is actually something I can leverage. My actions started to produce better results, which in turn helped to reinforce the beliefs, like a cycle.
Day Three
Woke up feeling better; rather than conflict in my mind it seems like everything is more aligned and "going in the same direction".This all sounds a lot like "thinking positive". But I hate that phrase because as mentioned previously, it sounds like someone plastering over their issues rather than facing them head on. I used the word "mirroring" to emphasize the fact that it doesn't completely dismiss the negative
Negative thoughts/beliefs tend not to be the full picture, at least in my case. They're usually quite narrow; not taking everything into account. Premature, not allowing time to create context for a given situation.
I'm not conventionally attractive... yeah alright
Compare this now to
I'm not conventionally attractive, but at the same time, my face is quite plain and therefore versatile.
My smile is vulnerable, genuine; it suits my personality because I'm someone who likes to wear my heart on my sleeve
That's a bit better
Day Four
I feel a lot more motivated and positive in general, this new "practice" is becoming easier to maintain.Day Five
Life operates in a spectrum, and it's actually the reluctance to accept this that causes problems. Acknowledging this fully makes mirroring easier because in essence, you have more options to choose from.Day 6
Events outside of my control, emotions etc make this challenging at times; I guess I can't get it right 100% of the time. But I wasn't defeated and carried on trying; that's key.Day 7
Easier to catch myself out and remember the bigger picture when I'm falling into these thought patterns, the idea is to make a habit of doing this.Conclusion
If I'm being totally honest, this was really just an exercise in thinking positiveIt's just that for me, it was important for it to feel authentic somehow.
I should say the practice of thinking positive because it is something that has to be done regularly and basically made into a habit.
I don't believe it's something out of mine or anyone else's reach, should you choose to change your perspective.
Thanks for reading
