Intro
Welcome back to the blog.
I am a chronic procrastinator, I’ve put off writing this for about 3 months actually.
But writing about "not procrastinating" wasn’t going to give me the depth I was looking for (plus I don’t know how practical that would be).
I procrastinate in big ways and small ones; I put off little things all the time, but I also genuinely feel like I’ve wasted most of this year.
I sit on my time, but somehow still get upset that my life doesn’t look how I want it to look.
Each Day for a Week, I will be trying to understand my relationship with procrastination, so that maybe I can improve it in a way that lasts.
Day 1 - You are Not Above Paying Attention to The Detail
I made myself a schedule of self care activities for the week. It was a lot of prep and genuinely painful to do.
This is the day I was humbled, I realised I am not above getting on my grind, being intentional about my life, putting the work in.
Coming to terms with the fact that things weren’t going to happen for me by chance was quite hard.
I also think I am being very unfair to myself by assuming things will just get done somehow. A big part of procrastination is leaving your life to chance.
Day 2 - Taking Shortcuts isn’t Always Appropriate
It is important to give things the time and attention they deserve.
This was a mindset shift for me and honestly made me want to shout and swear. It’s unglamorous, it’s a grind. But if you want your life to look attended to, pay attention.
Conversely, if you don’t spend the time it will be apparent.
When it comes to doing nice things for myself I am more used to taking shortcuts.
Day 3 - Where is all the time going?
This is the day I realised that my time and attention feel scarce, and yet I have nothing to show for it.
Art therapy is great for unpicking feelings and emotions you might not be consciously aware of. (This is my preferred technique from a Danish artist named Yasmine)
My art revealed a lot of pent up frustration from constantly being denied what I want; I (mostly likely) started to deny myself as a defence mechanism.
The piece was very compact, and constricted, but the theme I picked up was Frustration. There was a lot of red.
This art therapy technique requires you to interrogate your piece of art with four questions:
Who are you?
Constrained and Constricted
Where did you come from?
From a sustained period of being told “now is not the right time”.
What have you come to tell me?
You’re operating in a constricted space because you’ve gotten into the practice of denying what you actually want. This was probably the safest option at one point in time; it allowed you to avoid disappointment.
Don’t deny your wants and needs, drink in each moment. Use them to get closer to what you actually want.
And finally, what do you need?
To practice letting myself want things.
Day 4 - Allow Yourself to Want Things
I guess I can see how being lukewarm about what you want, can make you more likely to put off the work required to get it….
What you want is not too much. Don’t burst your own bubble (there are plenty of people who will do that for you).
I also don’t think I allowed myself to properly want what I want because I am more motivated by avoiding consequences rather than seeking reward.
The reward of actually investing time into myself, my life, and not letting myself down just hasn’t had as much appeal.
So I need to let myself want things, I think a big part of that is acknowledging that maybe I can actually have them, and removing the shame around this.
Day 5 - Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Having a harsh inner critic probably makes procrastination worse.
The amount of progress made isn’t enough, or it isn’t the right kind of progress. And who are you to set such a lofty goal in the first place?? and and and and and.
It’s important to set reasonable goals, and also to give yourself a pat on the back when you achieve them.
Positive reinforcement is very important for anyone who wants to procrastinate less (and something I don’t do enough for myself).
Day 6 - Prove to Yourself, That You are About It.
Each moment is an opportunity to demonstrate to yourself that you have your own back.
There’s something about having to win yourself over before anyone else.
We know what it feels like when someone puts in a deliberate effort to give us more space to breathe, or make us more comfortable, or make us happier.
It's important to get into the practice of doing this for yourself too.
Choosing the best option for yourself when there are multiple options available, is a big deal. It is about being deliberate.
You are faced with multiple options, but the clear winner isn't the most convenient option. It is the option that brings you closest to what you want. This is the kind of deliberation we want.
Day 7 - Conclusion
I feel better about my procrastination, but it's going to be a longer term piece of work.
I’m also seeing all the benefits of being better at not letting myself down basically. It does feel like I’m paying more attention.
I realised it’s actually harder to make good choices when you can comfortably make kinda bad ones. It requires more effort.
I think that your actions (or lack thereof) kinda put out a ‘bulletin’ about what you want out of life, even if you aren’t directly working on what you want.
What do your actions say about what you want?
I have to remind myself that what I do everyday, and my longer term goals aren’t always as far apart as I think.
If we’re talking about getting closer to what we want, we also need to at a minimum believe that it’s something we can have. Sometimes something we deserve. I need to work on this.
In conclusion, it’s about seeing the significance of the choices you make every day, and giving yourself the breathing room to make choices that bring you closer to what you actually want.
